Friendship

It is so easy to get caught up in our busy lives that we often neglect the smaller things that often add up to being very big things.  One of the things we neglect the most are unfortunately our relationship with others.  We often do not take the time to sit and “catch up” with people and update our knowledge about what the may be dealing with on a regular basis.  It may be that we neglect to share what we really appreciate about that person or that we often think of them.  Sometimes, we forget to respond to others when they reach out to us in some way.  This may take many forms such as:  a phone call not returned, an invitation that we turn down, or a distracted response.  This neglect can happen in relationships with friends, families and even our partner.

The above mentioned things all play an important role in what is called the “friendship” base of our relationship with others.  Even though all relationships are important, I want to focus on the relationship we have with our partner.  Dr. John Gottman spent endless hours observing and interviewing couples to find out what successful couples were doing consistently in their relationship.  His research showed that what separates the “masters” from the “disasters” is that they make time to nurture the friendship base of their relationship.  This friendship base gives relationships a solid foundation and allows us to have a more positive perspective of our partner overall.  When we are able to maintain a more positive perspective with our partner we are able to move through life’s challenges with more ease.

The hard thing about maintaining this friendship base is making sure that we make it a priority.  We can not get in the habit of “getting around to” our relationship.  This type of attitude will lead to you being disconnected with your partner and having a negative point of reference about your relationship.  You will find it more difficult to move through challenges and often find you are “stuck” when trying to reach a compromise.  Taking steps to nurture your friendship is one way of preventing this situation from occurring.

My “challenges” are a great way to get in the habit of making the time necessary to maintain that friendship base of your relationship.  One of the topics of your newsletter will begin to build a knowledge base of how to nurture the friendship base of your relationship.  The corresponding challenge for the week will give you an activity to increase your friendship and get you in the habit of making time for your relationship on a regular basis.  I challenge you to not put your relationship on the “back burner” and keep the friendship base of your relationship strong.  Make sure to check Upcoming Events to see if there is a challenge that meets your needs for where you are in your relationship journey.

Enjoy the journey,

Faith

Making Your Relationship a Priority

I often see couples in my office that are feeling disconnected from each other.  We explore and celebrate the good things in their relationship starting from when they first met to where they are today.  During this process, couples begin to identify when they started to drift apart from each other.  Some even are surprised by how long it really has been since they spent time together as a couple with no distractions.  These distractions can come in many forms: children, work obligations, activities, social media, etc.  I often find myself saying things to normalize this type of story so that the couple feels that they are not alone in their struggle.  We all get off track in our relationships and sometimes this can cause a disconnect.  This story is true for many couples and one that I hear way too often.

I often ask myself “what is missing” that we continue to make the same missteps that cause our relationships to become disconnected? What can couples be doing that could help them not make that misstep a big accident. I am not saying that anytime we take a misstep that our relationship is doomed.  Many couples are able to recognize that they are drifting apart but it is what they do after this recognition that counts.  There are many options for couples to turn that misstep into a positive.  It means taking the time to invest in the relationship and recognizing the importance of the relationship over other things.  I think that may be what is missing…the fact that we often do not make our relationship a PRIORITY.

Like I mentioned, there are many ways to turn our missteps into positives.  When we have the tools to turn things around this can make things a lot easier.  I feel that the Bringing Baby Home offers a lot of tools to help you prevent a “big accident.”  It offers you ways to stay connected to your partner through your journey and if you happen to take a misstep you can go back to your “training” the things you learned to stay connected.  My goal is to not have to normalize the story of disconnect that I so often hear.  My goal is to give you the tools to stay connected and when you get off course you have a great road map on how to get back on track.

Enjoy your journey,

Faith

 

The Sound Relationship House

Foundation is defined as “an underlying basis or principle for something.” It is synonymous with thoughts such as: a starting point, the core, and the heart of something. We all strive to build a solid foundation when we think of building a life together.  As we move through time , we are able to recognize the importance of having a strong basis on which our relationship is built.  It helps us to move through things with more confidence and allows us to work together to get through life challenges.

The Gottman’s came up with the concept “Sound Relationship House” which describes what research has shown to be important in building a good relationship.  It provides a strong foundation with concepts that will keep you on track with your relationship. The different parts of the “house” address things such as: a strong friendship base,  how to manage conflict, and creating shared meaning.  These concepts are important to keep in the forefront when making the transition to parenthood.

The Bringing Baby Home program will allow you to take your first steps to building your own Sound Relationship House.  It will provide you with the foundation to ensure that you and your partner maintain a strong and satisfying relationship as you embark on your journey to parenthood.  The BBH challenge will provide you with more information on the SRH concepts and how to begin incorporating them into your daily routine through the “challenge” portion.  Let’s start forming some healthy habits to build the foundation that your new family deserves.  Sign up through the following link Upcoming Events to start building your own Sound Relationship House.

Enjoy Your Journey,

Faith

Challenge Accepted

I came upon this quote the other day “I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.”  I feel most people transitioning into parenthood could benefit from this idea.  The idea that each persons journey into parenthood is different and unique.  In all journeys we may run into a little stormy weather every once in a while.  One of the keys to getting through these storms is being prepared.  As we all know we can not be prepared for every situation that we face BUT if we have a good base of knowledge we can usually figure something out to get us through.  New parents can gain this knowledge through various means.  Some individuals buy books, talk with others, or take a class that is offered through the hospital.  The focus of a lot of these sources varies but typically focuses on how to take care of the baby and the plethora of things that come with their care.  This knowledge base is important and definitely an important part of your journey as a parent.

However, how many of these sources challenge you to take care of your relationship?  Dr. John Gottman and his associates through research have discovered that 67% of couples experienced a precipitous decline in relationship satisfaction in the first 3 years of the baby’s life.  These statistics cause me to wonder if the couple’s sources provided them with a good knowledge base on how to stay connected with their partner as they transitioned into parenthood.  Did the couple feel they had the right tools to “save the ship” through the storm?

The Bringing Baby Home program is a great resource to make sure that your sailing goes more smoothly.  It provides you with a good knowledge base to work through any “storm” you may encounter and keep connected with your partner in the process.  My hope is that participating in this program you will feel more confident in your skills to sail through any weather with your partner and embrace the storm.  I challenge you to make your relationship a priority as you begin this journey.  Sign up now for the March BBH challenge under the upcoming events tab available with this link. Upcoming Events

Enjoy Your Journey,

Faith